Is Bitcoin Digital Dippin Dots?
The ice cream of the future. The future of finance. Hope. Betrayal. Lies. Custard. Those who cannot trade the ice cream of the future are doomed to eat it.
With popular Crypto currency purchasing platform Coinbase (COIN) announcing a hiring freeze and layoffs, the world is asking itself one question. When will it be time for the currency of the future.
“I’ve been waiting quite some time,” local amusement park worker Travis Grady said between sips of Mountain Dew Code Red. “We haven’t had this much anticipation for something since Dippin Dots booths started popping up around the park. Ice cream of the future they said.”
“We haven’t had this much anticipation for something since Dippin Dots booths started popping up around the park. Ice cream of the future they said.””
An ominous comparison. Founded in 1988, approximately 19 years before anonymous Bitcoin (BTC) creator Satoshi Nakamoto created the algorithm for Bitcoin, Dippin Dots innovated the ice cream game with its magical frozen balls that would stick to your mouth in place of actual flavor. Their company even adopted the slogan, ‘ice cream of the future.’
While no one knows who invented Dippin Dots, a loud minority of the world were certain this was the dawn of a new technological age in the frozen dessert industry.
Dippin’ Dots frenzy reached its pinnacle in 2005 when rumors around NASA adopting it as it’s main form of ice cream began to circulate. Consumer prices at carnivals and teen band concerts even started to get in on the action. “The ice cream balls retained their value, even when other ice creams wouldn’t,” Whirl-a-twirl and rides manager Trent Buckley argued. “I sank a lot of money into Dots. I thought I was getting in early. Now I’m sitting here with a bunch of tasteless ice cream that doesn’t have much use. They even created special freezers to hold it that made it impossible to steal.”
It wasn’t just veterans in the carnival snack game that were intrigued. Teens running around at Zoo’s, computer nerds, and virgins all agreed on one thing. If this ice cream is good enough for astronauts, it’s good enough for the future and they wanted it before there wasn’t enough to go around.
“It was usually purchased when someone was looking for attention and hadn’t had much luck with fiat ice cream in the past. This was their opportunity to become independently satisfied with a new dessert.
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“We haven’t even begun to bring up the black market side of Dippin Dots. That really started the demand. It melted fast enough and turned into a lukewarm soup mixture that made it virtually untraceable as ice cream,” Buckley says, lighting up a cigarette, “Honestly it made some people think the future wasn’t so bright, Dippin’ Dots being the ice cream of tomorrow and all. But those were rare cases. It was usually purchased when someone was looking for attention and hadn’t had much luck with fiat ice cream in the past. This was their opportunity to become independently satisfied with a new dessert.”
Buckley loved the idea that the futuristic ice cream was easier to deal with, scoop, eat, and exchange but said the application fell short of the dream.
“We were told Dippin Dots would be easy to scoop out of the packet, but it wasn’t. We were told it would be easy to share a single scoop to a friend, but those frozen orbs would just fall all over the place. We were sold on the idea that vendors easily send entire gallons, we’re talking dozens of dollars, to another vendar across the park, but when they tried too much of it melted, just like the regular ice cream. Don’t get me started on the mess Dippin Dots would cause when it spilled. It totally changed the environment (of the park)”
Flash forward 19 years, and we may be on the precipice of history repeating itself
“I’ve been waiting on the ice cream of the future for some time now, so naturally in 2009 when I heard there was a currency of the future I figured I’d need some to purchase the Dippin Dots,” Grady lamented, “but the Dippin’ dots folks don’t even know how to take it as payment so here I am with the egg on my face waiting for both to have their day.”
Grady, a 40 year veteran of the Milk Bottle Knockdown booth, says it’s impossible to think of what might have been when he would watch the Dippin Dots booth open. “This was the kind of ice cream that Big Frozen Dessert didn’t have control over. Totally revolutionary. If there is such a thing as a miracle in the form of a dessert. Dippin Dots was it.” He isn’t the only one lamenting what could have been.
“I used to yell ‘ice cream of the future’ and I’d get tons of orders. But after one purchase the novelty of Dippin Dots wore off and people saw it for what it really was. An expensive disappointment. Now I’m just back to trading cold beer like every other vendor in the game, even though they are brewing it at an unsustainable pace” says an anonymous unemployed post graduate, forced to walk the steps at local ballpark.
“By the time I learned about Bitcoin the currency of the future, it felt like it was already here, so I took the lessons I learned from Dippin Dots and diversified my investments 50/50 between Mochi and LUNA . Finally an ice cream and currency of the future we can trust.”
It is true you can still find Dippin’ Dots at select local county fairs and occasionally vendors at single A baseball games will find a vintage pack buried underneath more traditional frozen desserts, but Dippin Dots has largely disappeared into the very thing it thought it was fighting against. The past.
Bitcoin is on a similar trajectory, and the Coinbase news today certainly makes it feel like it’s heading more towards the bottom of some second hand concert venues chest freezer than to the starships in the sky.
